Welcome back to another edition of dissin' and hissin' about The Bachelor and the crazy house of drama mamas! What a night! My head is still spininng from all of the Vienna-hating, 'fundue' eating, boozy, whiny, mental (YES...MENTAL!) little girls that are clawing their way to the final rose ceremony. Did anyone else wish they could take two Prozac and reserve a day pass from Looneyville!? Unbelievable!!
Where to begin...there is so much to cover and I don't want to miss a thing! Grab your beverage of choice and let's get this party started!! ;)
OK...I have to say that I was disappointed that Jake chose Vienna for the 1-1 date, but I understand that he needs to get to know the women individually to see what makes them tick. The helicopter was a nice touch...very James Bond and impressive...he would have had me at hello if he showed up with a helicopter as a getaway vehicle. Where he lost points was that ridiculous display at the bridge. A pilot..afraid of heights!? Are you kidding me?? I loved his "I can't be strong 100 percent of the time." OMG...ridiculous! I wanted him to toss his cookies over the bridge and get over himself. Vienna comforting him on the bridge really tested my gag reflexes...and I doubt I was the only one in the crowd feeling that way!
Did anyone else predict the first kiss coming right after the did that bungee jump together? I was waiting for that lame song to get queued up.."On the wings of looooove..."...I felt myself becoming ill...but got over it and braced myself for the upcoming dates.
Let's fast forward to that hot mess of a group date at the comedy club with Jon Lovitz. I don't know what was worse...the bad comedy routines, the fact that everyone was drunker than sailors and hissing to Jake about Vienna, or Michelle's first kiss with Jake. I'll save Michelle's disaster for later. Let me quickly break down my take on the girls that stood out to me that night:
Ashleigh - Boo blah blah hoo! What a drunk, freaking crybaby...it's a comedy night...not a scene from The Notebook! Her dissing of Vienna was not cool, even though Vienna isn't one of my favourites in the running for last female standing. Her stock dropped with me last night.
Tenley...Bendy girl and cute as hell. How this girl remains single is a mystery to me! I think she is adorable and love that Jake sealed their chat with a kiss...loved it. I heart her. Period!
Ali - I think she is super cute, but her claws and fangs were out in full force that night. I appreciate that she has the nerve to stand up to Vienna and tell her how she and the other girls feel about her, but it was pretty vicious. I am still trying to figure out why all the women hate Vienna so much. Hope they play that out more in the next few episodes.
Vienna - Her overconfident attitide got on my nerves. The line about "I'm probably gonna be here for a while" reminded me of Rozlyn...and we know what happened to her! It was a Vienna throwdown last night...I think she brings it upon herself with that daddy's girl attitude, but again, I hope we gain more insight on that soap opera drama in the next few weeks.
Michelle - Psycho drama queen with the raunchy train wreck of a comedy routine. Her discussion of her 'coconuts' and hole putting was not only dirty, but made her look like an idiot in front of everyone. I am surprised Jake didn't kick her out at that point. Was I the only one that thought that first kiss with Jake looked like he was having a root canal!? It was painful, messy and required painkillers to get through her complaint that it wasn't a good enough kiss. Was I the only one singing "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" when he sent her packing!? We all know what karma is, honey...and I called it poetic justice. She overstayed her welcome by a few episodes, but it's all in the name of ratings. Jake couldn't slam the door of the van hard or fast enough!!
I thought the one-to-one date with Ella and having her son surprise her was cute...but am I the only one who thinks she's older than 29!? She looks like she's become friends with Botox. I'm just sayin'. I have to say that some of their conversation tested my gag reflexes, but they did seem to have a good time together.
OK...saved the best for last! Cocktail party night...and another hot mess...our resident head case and professional tease, Elizabeth. Is it just me, or does that professional nanny give off a hand That Rocks the Cradle vibe!? I gained some respect for Jake when he called her out for being a tease and playing head games. I didn't understand why she was so shocked about what he said to her.
My fave lines of the night that came out of Lizzie's mouth:
"I am not just vanilla, I am many other colours".
"I am chasing him. He needs to remember that!". I hope she remembers that as he kicked her to the curb. Thank goodness Jake is making choices for himself and not for ABC. I can't imagine what she would do if he dumped her during the final rose ceremony!
I completely understand why she was sent packing, but it would have been nice to see Jake actually have air time with Valishia, the other bachelorette who was eliminated. Did anyone EVER see her talk to Jake!? She is an attractive woman...but never spoke. She reminds me of Finnegan from Mr. Dressup (I know I have just dated myself, but if you recall that show, Finnegan is a puppy that never makes a sound!). Valishia is a very well-endowed Finnegan! It's a shame that she left no real impression on Jake...or anyone else.
I can't end this posting without mentioning the spoiler for next week's episode. Looks like Jake refrains from handing out the two final roses during the ceremony...anyone want to guess on who the unlucky ladies will be?? My spidey sense is tingling already...but I would love to know what you think!
Thanks so much for all of your wonderful feedback, emails and comments. I am having a blast with this blog and appreciate all of your kind words. I encourage you to post comments on this site, and feel free to a link to these entries anyone you think would be interested in reading and having a few giggles. Take care and have a fantastic week! Until next time...:)